In reading Psalm 39 I can’t help but think of my uncle again lying in his bed in ICU. David writes in verses 4-5: “O LORD, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am! 5Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!� And as I think of my uncle who trusts in the Lord and believes in a faithful, gracious, and eternal God, I can’t help but think that to be with the Lord would be far better than to be living as he currently is. David tells me that God knows our end. I guess in that I can be completely confident that He knows exactly how long my uncle will live. But this text also assures me that to be with the Almighty God truly is far better than even life in this world, which was Paul’s whole point in Philippians 1.

Paul said it was better for him to be alive so that he could continue to be a witness for the Gospel. But he would rather be with the Lord which is far better. For my uncle, I know to be with the Lord would be far better. Life on earth, in the condition he is in (unless he receives full healing which I know God could do if He so wills), would be a life lived in pain and immobility. He could possibly be in bed for the rest of his life without certain limbs which has been terribly infected. Can God use someone in this state to advance the Gospel? Yes! He most certainly can, because there are times when even through suffering, God uses such suffering for His purposes, possibly to refine the care giving family, or those around the person who are affected by a winsome spirit that trusts in Christ. But given my uncle’s condition, unless there is an amazing miracle, he would be in no condition to give such a testimony.

I have to admit, I am torn for my uncle. I grasp a bit of Paul’s inner struggle while in prison writing the letter to the Philippians. Heaven and life eternal with Christ was palpable to him. But the idea that he would share the Gospel was also strongly tangible and real. How does one pray in such a circumstance? I have prayed that the Lord would bring him home. But I can tell you this has not been an easy prayer, nor a comfortable one. But it should be, shouldn’t it?