Sadly, this is what too many people think. Many people feel as though they need to have the home perfect, the spread perfect, and the decor perfect in order to be truly hospitable. Sandy and Paul Coughlin in Focus on the Family Magazine in an article entitled, “Reviving Hospitality,” write:

During the mid to late 1970s, the average American entertained 14 to 15 times a year. By the late 1990s, that figure fell to eight times per year–a decline of 45 percent. If this trend continues, the blessing of hospitality will be nearly extinct in less than one generation. (July 2008, p. 12)

Not that Martha Stewart is the sole blame, but far too many women have bought into the perfection of hospitality. Many would-be hosts are paralyzed by the overwhelming pressure of providing the picturesque environment, which by the way, an environment that few guests are truly looking for. Guests usually want the comfort of fellowship much more than the extravagance of gourmet meals and matching placemats and tablecloths. Some would-be hosts are simply tongue-tied when it comes to guests and newcomers. They simply do not how to be warm and social. The Coughlin’s comment:

A reluctant spouse can be a hindrance to hospitality. Like a lot of reluctant spouses, my husband, Paul, wasn’t good at keeping conversations on course. His hands would sweat as he thought about long, awkward pauses in conversations.

So Paul read a few books that helped him become a better conversationalist. He learned that just asking a few good questions can turn an average dinner party into an evening of budding friendships. (p. 13)

Imagine studying to be a better host. What a novel idea. But this is not merely a social blessing, but a spiritual one. Romans 12:13 says: ” Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.” In other words, simply by bringing a fellow brother or sister to our homes to serve them, we can and do care for their spiritual needs. Peter writes: “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” (1 Peter 4:9) Hospitality is a grace and therefore grace cannot be exhibited with a grumbling heart.

So how can we apply this?

1. Forgo Martha Stewart perfectionism.

Even though Ms. Stewart’s home decor and living ‘revolution’ has changed the home world, I am afraid such a mentality has really stunted hospitality. People are so afraid of looking bad, that they would rather not host than host without such perfectionism. If you are unable to host because your place looks a particular way, because you need certain types of food, and that is what regularly keeps you from hosting, then I am afraid you have been bitten by the perfection bug. You are free in Christ. Your identity is in Christ alone (Gal 2:20), not in what your place looks like and how well you cook.

2. It’s okay NOT to have an elaborate meal together.

Sometimes people simply want to get together to receive mutual blessings. Whether the meal is meatloaf, pizza, or cookies, the guests are happy. Inviting people over for dessert or for a few pieces of fruit can bring laughter and joy. The food we eat is merely a means and not the end.

3. Don’t expect anything in return.

Peter tells us that we must show hospitality without grumbling. If we invite someone over and they don’t return the favor, to grumble negates our hospitality. God looks at the heart. Hospitality is a grace. You give it freely because it’s your joy, not because there is a direct return on your hospitality investment.

4. Invite different kinds of people.

Anyone can invite people they ‘click’ with. But to invite those who are different, lonely, or in a different life stage, is to care for the saints. If our church regularly invited all sorts of people, singles, families, newcomers, older members over one another’s homes, what a dynamic place the church would be on Sunday. New friendships would be forged. We would truly be contributing to the needs of the saints.

Please consider inviting newcomers to your home, even for a dessert. Remember what it felt like to be new to a church. Remember some of the challenges that came with that time.

5. Hospitality is not just for married people.

Shua and I have had the privilege of being invited to the homes of single men. We have gone as a family where we have enjoyed the many delicacies of our brothers. The kids have enjoyed themselves and have gotten to know their spiritual uncles in the church in a way they could not have known merely on Sundays. What a blessing it was to be cared for by single brothers.

6. Hospitality is not just for women!

Men, do not kick up your feet while your wife prepares to host. Perhaps the reason they find hospitality difficult is because when people come over, she works and prepares while you read your email or watch TV. Hospitality is a joint effort.

7. Work toward glad hearts in hospitality.

Acts 2:46 says: “And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts…” What a beautiful picture of what the church should be like, a place where people are in their homes with others with glad and generous hearts. May we be outdoing one another in love through hospitality.

8. Set a goal for the year.

Consider having a goal of how many people you would like to host throughout the year. Consider people the Lord is laying on your heart, even people you barely know (which I hope is at least half of the people on your list).

9. When you meet, ask questions!

Find out who people are. Learn their stories. Listen to them share about their lives. Ask many questions. Share your stories, especially about your growth in the Gospel.

10. Pray for them.

You’re the host. What an opportune time to pray a prayer of blessing for them and for them to pray for you. Your family and they will receive grace upon grace.

I want my children to grow up believing that our home was a house where people’s lives were cherished. And by God’s grace, He has given me a precious wife who has allowed this to happen. I have seen Shua grow in her love for the Lord and people, and it has been through hospitality that God has used her primarily in the lives of people. Paul has said of widows in 1 Tim 5:10: “If she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work,” she should be cared for by the church. I believe Shua has done this since we’ve been married. But that doesn’t excuse me from doing my part as well in helping in hospitality. And it also doesn’t mean that both of us can’t grow even more in our hospitality.

I want our church to be a place that overflows with the glad and generous heart of hospitality. May Wellspring be a place where the feet of the saints are washed (feet washing was even more disgusting then, something that probably would not have fit in Martha Stewart’s schema of hospitality) through the hospitality of many. May it be a place where weary souls (and weary soles, excuse the pun) can receive refreshing through the Gospel.