Gospel Prism

Then his mother and his brothers came to him, but they could not reach him because of the crowd. 20 And he was told, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, desiring to see you.” 21 But he answered them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.”
Luke 8:19-21

Introduction

This is the last week that I am going to spend on Luke 8:19-21. A few weeks ago, I shared that Jesus’ words in Luke 8:19-21 remind us that though we must have a very high view of the family because it reflects the character and nature of God, our love for our family must never be prioritized over the worship of God. To do so is to engage in idolatry, in worshipping the created things (family) rather than the Creator. One application of engaging in this idolatry is when we worship our parents rather than honoring them. Another application of this text is where single people possibly make marriage the end goal of life and where married people succumb more to their idols than their love of Christ and love of one another in Christ. Both deprive us of the joy that we ultimately desire.

The last application I’d like to make from this text then is regarding parenting. As we have seen regarding honoring parents and the covenantal relationship of marriage, parenting is a gift from God, one that is viewed with utmost esteem and carries with it the weight of biblical responsibility. But again, as with the other two family relationships, even the best of things can be worshipped and idolized, and parenting is no exception. Without serious self-reflection and discernment, we can easily once again worship created things rather than the Creator.

The good news for us all as we wrestle with this balance, of giving a right weight to our biblical family responsibilities while worshipping God alone, is to remain faithful to Him by keeping Him as our greatest priority, and by doing so, the result will not only lead to an ever-increasing delight in worshipping Christ, but in the greatest and sweetest joy we can have for one another as family members.

The Family That Worships the Family Is Idolatry (vv. 19-20)

Let me summarize one more time the main point from Luke 8:19-20. Luke records: “Then his mother and his brothers came to him, but they could not reach him because of the crowd. 20 And he was told, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, desiring to see you.” Remember, we learn much about what Jesus says here from Mark 3. In Mark we saw that Jesus’ mother and brothers thought He had gone berserk. They viewed Jesus only through an earthly lens. In this way, they idolized their family structure (which included Jesus as the obedient son who should perhaps return home to the family business) rather than having their family structure aligned with their worship of God. And so Jesus questions their premise by asking all those around: “Who are my mothers and brothers?” That is, as important as the family is, it is not more foundational than our relationship to God through Christ.

And we are prone to have the same view of the family as well. We are tempted in every way to think like Mary and his brothers. We can have good intentions, a desire to uphold the family which has been given to us by God to enjoy, but even these intentions can become distorted, and our priorities skewed when we no longer worship God, but instead worship our families. Thus, the third relationship where this distortion can take place is in parenting.

Parenting vs. Idolatry

So in what ways do we idolize children rather than parent them biblically?

1. We long for children more than God.

In Genesis 1:28, God told Adam and Eve: “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” And most biblical commentators see this fruitfulness primarily through childbearing. The rest of biblical history continues with babies being born and generations being continued through the birth of children. So it’s pretty clear that God delights in the birth of children and in the raising of children. However, we also know that something terrible happened in Genesis 3, where childbearing would no longer come with such ease.

After Adam and Eve and every human being since had turned away from God’s gracious leading by choosing their own rule over God’s kind care, nothing would happen the way God initially created it to happen. In fact, God tells Eve in Gen 3:16, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children.” I wonder if this pain is not only the physical anguish of bearing children, but even quite possibly the inability to bear children. It seems to correlate to the regular biblical motif of women in the Bible who have difficulty in bearing children (Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth) and the anguish and grief that they deal with because of their circumstances. In fact, Romans 8:21-22 seems to bear this out, where Paul reminds us that “creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.” Things are currently not as it should be and it won’t ever be perfectly whole until the Day of Christ’s return. But until then, there will be groaning and yearning and even sometimes grieving. And so, when a woman is unable to conceive and bear a child, there is a grieving that few understand.

Some of you know this yearning, some of you have faced this yearning, and many of you have family members or friends who are going through such times. Some of you as a married woman know this longing, but perhaps even as a single woman yet to be married, you know this longing. Scripture is very clear that God hears your cries to Him. David wrote in Psalm 56:8: “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” God sees and accounts for every tear shed by His people. Psalm 34:18 tells us: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” God understands pain and agony and grieving because God did not even spare Himself of such agony according to Romans 8:32. And God often calls His people to wait upon Him (Psalm 40:1-2) and to trust Him (Psalm 20:7) because He has suffered in a way no one else has ever suffered.

But it’s often during these times of waiting and trusting, that you will find the temptation to succumb to bouts of anger, depression, fear, self-doubt, jealousy. Dear women, you might experience the hopefulness that seems to come once a month, “Maybe this is the month I get pregnant,” and then the despair after another false test, “At this rate, we’ll never have a baby.” And of course, this leads to another cycle of emotions that lead you to the temptation of despair and discouragement. And then there are the external, uncontrollable factors that come one’s way, from the birth of new babies in the family, the church’s continual emphasis on the family (infant dedication, Gospel Train ministries, VBS, baby showers, new births, multiple births), and the loneliness one can feel since few can truly understand a woman’s troubles in childbearing. Clearly, there are emotions and feelings that few can understand. And yet, the same response I offered to singles applies to those who wrestle with troubles in childbearing.

A few weeks ago, I asked those of you who were single the same question, “Do you long for marriage as the end goal of your life, or do you trust in faith that the God who promises you pleasures evermore (Psalm 16:11) has your best in mind, regardless of whether you marry or remain single until you meet the Lord?” In other words, do you worship the created thing (marriage or the ability to bear children) rather than the Creator as Romans 1:25 warns us against? This is the same question that needs to be asked not just of those who are having trouble bearing children, but also every one of you who have children? Is your desire for a child or are your children the god that you ultimately worship, that is, the source of your ultimate joy? Does having children or do your children provide for you worth, value, esteem? For women who are struggling to conceive or single women who might never even have the opportunity to conceive, you will find that children will not bring you the joy and satisfaction you are ultimately looking for. I said the same to singles, the pursuit of marriage as the end goal will not bring such joy. One need only look at how many couples either are divorced or feel desperately lonely in marriage. Well, the same holds true with parenting. Children will never bring one ultimate joy. If they do (which I would contend Scripture would say such joy will always be short-lived and not ultimate at all), as I’ll address later, there are serious consequences. As the teacher spoke of in Ecclesiastes: “All things (even children) are full of weariness.” (Eccl 1:8)

Jesus’ point in Luke 8:19-21 is that though family relationships are a blessing from God and certainly worthy of respect, honor, and praise, they must never precede our love for Christ and our desire to worship our God. Not only is this idolatrous, it is self defeating. Your parent’s pride in what you do, your marriage to a beautiful wife or handsome husband, and your bearing of children can never fill the void that only God can fill. God is the One, through the work of Christ finished by his death and resurrection, who can satisfy your deepest longings. That’s why David exclaims in Psalm 34:8: “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!”

Kimberly and Philip Monroe have experienced the pain and grieving of infertility. They went through four years of fertility treatments, only to be met at every juncture without any results. I’d like to read to you their thoughts as they came to the conclusion of their treatments.

Kimberly:
One day I thought, God has so many promises for us. But one thing He didn’t promise. Nowhere in Scripture did He promise me a baby. He has not let me down. It’s good to desire a baby. But I cannot demand it of Him. Children are a blessing, but they are not promised to us individually. You do not receive blessings because you’re a good person or because you earn them. They just come. That was a revelation to me. Gradually I stopped feeling defective. I started to believe that “all things work together for the good” (Rom. 8:28). God is good and He wants good for me. But that good does not include biological children. I had to wait and trust Him. (Kimberly Monroe, “To a More Lasting Hope,” in Journal of Biblical Counseling (Winter 2005), 58.)

Philip:
Waiting safeguards our hearts. It helps reorient ourselves. We wait actively, not passively, not fatalistically. We don’t demand, “God, do something.” We don’t sit back and wait until He does what we demanded. Godly waiting meditates on God’s character. His goodness. His holiness. His justice. His mercy. His grace. His majesty. Godly waiting cherishes the comforts He does provide. Godly waiting asks, “Lord, let me see those unexpected blessings that You’ve been giving me all along.” That is waiting. That is worship. Active waiting also requires self-examination. You notice the places where you love things too much, where things have become a lust, like fertility treatments. You spend so much of your life centered on it that it controls your whole life. But you can wait and say, “No. I want to cherish God for who He is, for what He has done for me. I want to examine my heart. I don’t want to be consumed by this fertility quest.” (Philip Monroe, “Moving Through the Pain of Disappointed Desire,” in Journal of Biblical Counseling (Winter 2005), 56.)

Kimberly and Philip finally understood that they had cherished ‘it’ (the desire to have a child) and ‘it’ controlled them. They essentially were finding their worth and value in ‘it’ and ‘it’ had become their god. But once they waited on God and trusted in Him in faith, they finally were able to cherish God for who He was and not what He could give them. They began to worship the Giver rather than the gifts. They began to see that joy came not in created things but in the Creator. My dear sisters and women and men who are or will have trouble conceiving, may the Lord give you bountiful riches of grace in Himself, that He would be your joy, your delight. And in doing so, you would see that God is good to you, whether you have biological children or not. And for those of us who have biological children, please show your love, your understanding, your extra care, and your consideration through careful words and gestures to those who are yet to conceive or who will never conceive.

2. We are more concerned for our children’s earthly prosperity than their love of Christ.

In Ezekiel 14:4 God tells the leaders of the Israelites: “Any one of the house of Israel who takes his idols into his heart and sets the stumbling block of his iniquity before his face, and yet comes to the prophet, I the Lord will answer him as he comes with the multitude of his idols, 5 that I may lay hold of the hearts of the house of Israel, who are all estranged from me through their idols.” The elders of Israel had come to Ezekiel to impart their wisdom on how to worship God and live as His people (v. 3, “Should I indeed let myself be consulted by them?”). But God noticed that in their hearts, though outwardly they appeared spiritual, inwardly they had no love for God but were cluttered with idolatry and they were leading Israel to worship idols. In other words, idolatrous leadership leads to idol-seeking followers. And parents, this is no different for you and me as we raise our children. If our love for comfort, for success, for privilege, for respect, for control is what we cannot lay down before our Father in heaven, then certainly our children will also wrestle with the same thing. In fact, we will inadvertently pass down this idolatry to the next generation. If you have heard of the term ‘generational sin,’ I think ultimately it is an idolatry of the heart that is undealt with through repentance and grace, and thus, from this sinful disposition, we act on the basis of this idolatrous heart, and parent on this basis even under the guise of our faith in Christ. Eventually, the next generation continues the same idolatry of the previous one in cyclical fashion. So how do we do this?

a. We act on the basis of our idolatry through our love of our own legacy.

I can’t help but go back to Jerod Mellinger’s message at the SGM pastor’s conference and his exposition of Psalm 78. This psalm reveals the delight of passing a legacy of God’s renown to our children, but also it reveals the deadliness of forgetting God and striving to live by one’s own legacy and the destruction that brings to future generations. Look at verses 7-8 in that psalm: “So that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; 8 and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation.” The psalmist is addressing the Israelites and their worship of God. Their worship must be a continual remembrance of God’s past grace and this must be frequently communicated to the next generation. But the psalm states that the older generation did not do this. It wasn’t that they didn’t follow God externally. They still probably prayed and assembled for corporate worship. They still lived morally, especially compared to their Canaanite neighbors. But their hearts were far from God and so they lived and sought comfort without considering God as He was, God. He did not factor into their lives and their decisions. He was an abstraction, someone who made no real difference in the way they lived or thought. And this was most revealed in what happened to the next generation. In fact, what happened in verses 9-11 is that they ended up forgetting God just like their fathers: “They did not keep God’s covenant, but refused to walk according to his law. 11 They forgot his works and the wonders that he had shown them.”

The key words here are, “They forgot.” They forgot what God had done for their parents’ generation. Do you know why? Because their parents were busier with life, more concerned with their personal legacy, more concerned with earthly comforts rather than telling their children about God’s glorious salvation of Israel. And so when the next generation became adults, they had no reference point to God. They simply forgot Him. Sadly for many Christians, this forgetting continues today. I received a phone call while I was in Southern California for a wedding from a distraught mother of a person I barely knew. Somehow she had gotten my phone number. Well, she called me essentially crying telling me the story of her son. He was a successful doctor who she had taken to church with her his whole life. But now, he was no longer going to church and had no desire to know Christ. The sadness in her voice was palpable. I have had other parents tell me the same thing about their now adult children, they are very successful but they have no love for Christ and no love for His church. What do you think went wrong? They forgot. Who forgot? Probably the parents first forgot and then of course it would make sense that the kids forgot.

Here’s the problem. People love their own legacy and want it all. They want their children to be successful. They want their kids to have a great career, to make a lot of money, to be comfortable, to have the perfect family, AND to ‘go to church to serve the church.’ And this is where the heart of the problem lies. Church is just another part of the ‘success’ equation: career, money, family, church. Christianity is no longer about the pursuit of Christ and his glory and renown. Instead, it’s another piece of one’s personal, earthly legacy. And this pursuit runs deep within the church. I know pastors who do not want their sons to be pastors or want their daughters to marry pastors because they won’t be successful monetarily. There are church-going parents who are more concerned that their kids study deeply and with vigor for the SATs and their homework from school, than they are concerned about their kids desiring to know and love God’s Word. Some Christians are more anxious over our children’s athletic prowess or academic achievement than they are of whether their children truly know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. The message for these children is clear, as long as a child succeeds in this world, whether that’s through academic achievement, good looks, musical or artistic ability, great SAT scores, college of one’s choice, athletic skills, respects authority, (and these days, it can mean that the child needs to succeed in everything), parents are satisfied and proud.

You see, this is what was in their parents’ heart all along, whether they wanted to admit it or not. Parents want their children to succeed because it satisfies the idol of their hearts, the idol of earthly glory and fame. As Ezekiel told the Israelite leaders, their idolatry would be seen in those they lead. And what these children bear is their parents’ legacy. The parent who says they love God but is more concerned with their children’s financial success, academic success, the family they marry into, is ultimately revealing their hearts, that they are fixated on their personal legacy rather than God’s renown. And without realizing it, we are fostering idolatry in the hearts of our children which Jesus reminds us is tragically self-defeating in Matthew 19:26: “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” How many people strive to leave a legacy in their children, so that he or she will be remembered when they’re gone? As if this reason is enough for people to have joy and meaning in one’s life. But again the teacher in Ecclesiastes reminds us of the futility of living for personal legacy in our children: “I hated all my toil in which I toil under the sun, seeing that I must leave it to the man who will come after me, 19 and who knows whether he will be wise or a fool? Yet he will be master of all for which I toiled and used my wisdom under the sun. This also is vanity.” (Eccl 2:18-19)

Parents, we have an incredibly important work that lies ahead of us. We must live for God’s renown and the way we do this most is to continually tell the next generation about Jesus and how He has saved ME. We need to tell our kids about how great salvation is, MY salvation, and this takes vulnerability and time and intentionality. Listen to verse 4: “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.” This is not something we do on the side, or merely another subject matter like reading and arithmetic. Your loved ones eternal lives are at stake. We must TELL them about Jesus or they will forget Him. James Dobson recounts the story of his grandmother, whom he called ‘Little Mother.’ He writes: “My father told me how when he was a boy, Little mother would gather her six kids around her for Bible reading and prayer. Then she would talk about the importance of knowing and obeying Jesus. Many times she said, ‘If I lose a single one of you to the faith, it would have been better that I were never born.’ That was the priority she gave to the spiritual development of her kids. She and the others effectively passed this commitment to me.” (James Dobson, Bringing Up Boys (Kindle Version), 3854.) In other words, there was nothing hidden about God from her children. They knew that the Lord mattered to her more than anything else in their lives. And that story was passed down to the next believing generation! Do your children know that Jesus Christ matters more to you than anything else? More than their studies? More than your love for your spouse? More than where you live or what you own? More than the best and greatest vacation you could ever take? More than your kids’ success on the ball field or on the court? More than even your kids’ failures in life? Do they know that Jesus and His glory matter so much to you that you would rather not even be born than to see any of your children lose their souls eternally? May we tell of our Lord’s mighty works and wonder to them continuously.

b. We act on the basis of our idolatry when we take the place of God.

But when do we take the place of God over our children? I think Paul has a word of wisdom for us that addresses this question in Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” That is, fathers and even mothers, when your leading of their children is not “of the Lord” but of yourselves, you will see your children continually act out in anger and ultimately in self-centeredness. Parents who are self-centered will raise children who are self-centered and self-centered children are no different than self-centered adults. They’re usually anxious and angry.

Parents, we are not in our children’s lives to mete out punishment, to abuse authority, to subject our children to humility through humiliation, to arbitrarily instruct and discipline them so that we can feel good about ourselves or feel like we have some ‘alone time’ and our comfortable in our lives. And they are not in our lives to be the fulfillment of our dreams of being a baseball player, or to be the cool person in class, or to dress like a movie star so we can show the world just how fashionable mom is, or to be our retirement piggy bank so that when we get older they’ll be paying me back for all that I’ve done for them and more. Paul is telling us that we are not to be their God. And what you and I do as we parent our children today, what we expect of our parents, how we treat and lead and shepherd our children will have a lasting impact as to whether they love idols or love the Lord. I am not saying that we determine our child’s salvation. But I am saying that God definitely uses parent’s faithfulness to Him to lead children to Himself.

For example, if you are screaming and yelling and angry when you discipline your child, if you have lost control over your child when he has sinned against you or another, should it really surprise you that your child also loses control and is angry when you or another (say a sibling) person sins against him? If you have mean words towards another, should it surprise you when your child does the same? If you have no love for God, if your child never sees you in prayer, in reading His Word, should it surprise you that your child finds Scripture and prayer dull and boring? If you are not amazed by God’s salvation, should it surprise you that your child is more delighted by Bob the Builder or Nintendo DS or an iPod than by the cross? If your worship of Christ on Sundays at church is merely ritualism, it shouldn’t surprise you that one day your child will not love Christ and His Church. If you are constantly unsatisfied with your child, always finding what’s wrong with him, always correcting him rather than encouraging him, it should not surprise you that one day he will come to deeply wrestle with his security and identity and he could even be embittered throughout his life towards you and anyone else in authority, including God. If you don’t treat your spouse well but demean him/her regularly, or if you show little concern for your spouse, don’t be surprised to find your child one day do the same to his or her spouse. If you fail to keep your promises to your child, don’t be surprised to find that your child will be dismissive of your words. Again, as God noted to the leaders in Ezekiel, the idolatry of your heart towards self-worship will be passed down to those closest to you, to those you were called to lead.

Christ: The Rejoicing and Renewal of the Family

All of this can seem rather hopeless, unless we see that there is hope after all. If we go back to Luke 8:21, after Jesus asked in Mark, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” He responds in verse 21, “But he answered them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.” Again, Jesus is not minimizing the importance of family relationships. But think about this for a moment. Why do you appreciate your family so much? Why are you attached to them? Well, first, you appreciate all that they have done for you. Second, you were born into this family. Third, when trouble comes you can count on them. Fourth, you have years of lasting memories with them. And all of these reasons make you feel safe, secure, peace, and joy. If you think it through, everything that your family provides for you, God promises that ultimately even your family cannot provide those things perfectly for you, not your parents, not your spouse or a spouse, not your children or potential children. They are certainly windows into these experiences and they certainly are used by God to bless you to taste what joy and security and peace are like. But Jesus makes it clear for us that only by “hearing the word of God and doing it” can you receive the eternal and lasting effects that your earthly family gives you a taste of hear on earth.

The Bible tells us that Scripture is more than just religious intellectualism. Deuteronomy 32:47 says that Scripture is “no empty word for you, but your very life.” Romans 15:4 reminds us: “For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” And when many were leaving Jesus after His teaching on His eventual road to the cross and Jesus asked His disciples if they would leave to, Peter responded, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:68) You see, Jesus is asking us in Luke 8, “Do you trust my words, my promises that I give (now in Scripture) that knowing me, pursuing me, loving me even before your family, is your ultimate road to the joy, the joy that you are looking for in your family relationships? And when you actually pursue me first, I will renew your relationships in your family, reorder them in a new way, in a way that I had always intended them to be when I created them.” Placing your family over Christ is self-defeating and joy is fleeting. But trusting in Him, worshipping God alone, even over your own family’s wills and desires for you, there will be joy. Why has Jesus spoken of such things as in Luke 8:19-21, for your punishment, your deprivation, your discipline? NO! Jesus tells us why in John 15:11: “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” Will you trust Him and take Him at His Words?

Conclusion

May 21st 2008, Will Franklin, age 17, Maria Sue Chapman, age 5

Greg Laurie said, “Maria is a bigger part of your future than she ever was of your past.” SCC: That’s the hope of the Gospel…Hope is all about looking ahead…If all of our hope is wrapped up in today. Our hope is about what is to come…

Part of going on Larry King and doing things as a family, part of the process of this is we have been so prayed for…part of that we felt that God has said, “I am saturating you with prayer so that you’re ready to share this hope that you have in a public way, in a broader way.”

You cannot think this way unless you have a right priority of the family, when you worship God before anyone else, including your own family.