I have been reflecting on Genesis 2:18-24 for a wedding sermon these days and I have been reflecting much on verse 24.  Here’s the whole text:

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

What has struck me of late is the idea that the man leaves his father and mother.  But why not the woman, why shouldn’t she leave father and mother?  Why does it have to be the man?  The ‘therefore’ in verse 24 sheds some light.  I think the therefore goes back to the whole text, verses 18-23.  God knew that it was not good for Adam to be alone, even when Adam didn’t realize it for himself.  So God prepared for Adam a wife made from his own body.  But in the preparation for this wife, a man shall leave his father and mother.  Notice that the sequence is not becoming one flesh [marriage] and then the man leaving father and mother; but instead, the man leaving and holds fast to his wife and then they become one flesh.  I believe the sequence is intentional and for males, this sequence is critical to move from boyhood to manho0d.

Too often today, boys are raised by their parents, especially by their mothers, to remain in the home until they marry.  Usually the reason behind such thinking [at least the external reason] is pragmatism.  Why should a boy spend money on rent and do his own laundry and pay for his own car when his mother and father can cover it all?  It seems impractical, a waste of money.  But this type of thinking has led to an elongating of boys’ adolescence.  Boys have been raised to think they can stay at home, go to classes when they wish (or not at all), play video games, hang out with friends, sleep when they wish, eat what their mom cooks, all on the parents dime.  Boys are staying at home later and later.  Very few boys leave the home to become men by the age of 18.  After college, many return back home to save money and to receive the care of mom and dad.  And slowly, the departure is continually put off, usually until marriage, but often times, never at all.  But that is where the problem lies according to this text.  Marriage is about men, and men leave mother and father behind to be responsible for himself.  Boys stay at home and mooch off their parents into their late 20s and 30s and even 40s, all for the sake of pragmatism.

This is what I would call the Lazy Old Boy Syndrome.  Lazy old boys never become men.  They stay at home and never grow into mature adults and believers.  They continue to depend on mom and dad.  And moms and dads are equally at fault for allowing such a thing to happen.  I have spoken to parents who have said about their adult aged sons living in their homes, that they did not have the heart to force their sons out of their homes.  But this very practice is quashing any hope for their sons to ever become men.  The raising of their sons is woefully shortsighted and predestining them to remain lazy old boys.

I have also found that the fault often lies with mothers.  Mothers are precious to any son.  They often are the comforters, nurturers, encouragers.  Fathers tell their sons who have fallen to “get up, you’re okay.”  Mothers run over to their sons, huddle over them like a mother eagle protecting her wounded eaglet while staring at the father with the “you are heartless” look.  Sons need mothers who are comforting and nurturing.  But if this is all a son receives, he eventually grows to be an old boy who always thinks mommy will be there for him to bail him out of every situation.  He will have much difficulty connecting his sinful actions to grave consequences because his mother is always going to the teacher to convince her that his son deserves a better grade than what he received.

This sad reality is a stern warning for all of us who parent sons.  It’s at the youngest ages where parents need to beware of this reality: How they rear their sons today will impact they they will be boys or men in the future.  If we do not let our sons fail and face the coneqeunces of their actions, we set them up for a life of adolescence.  If we don’t allow them to work and take on responsibilities in their youth, they will leave the home assuming that their parents will provide all of their needs.  And you will one day see your sons return home with their hands open sitting at the dinner table or laying on your sofa or spending time with friends with nary a view of the future.  You too could very well be raising an old lazy boy.  And one thing I know from many conversations with women, no woman will want to marry a lazy old boy husband.

This is calling is for males, for sons because one day sons will lead families.  Sons will protect wives from physical and spiritual harm.  Men will lead children to adore Christ.  Men will work with the sweat of his brow, working five jobs if need be, to care for his family.  Men don’t have time to be lazy, to relinquish responsibilities.  And a lazy old boy won’t be able to put down his X-Box or PS3 long enough to even consider leaving his comfortable, parent-provided pad.  May this not be.  May we raise a new generation of men who will lead families and the church for the sake of Christ.

Ella Lindvall, Read Aloud Bible (for very young kids, infant-toddler, Bible story adaptations)

Susan Hunt, ABC Bible Verses (moral lessons from Bible verses, my kids still remember a Bible verse from this book)

Catherine Vos, The Child’s Story Bible (good for younger children, illustrations are older, more word-driven but closer to the biblical text)

Sally Lloyd-Jones, Jesus Story Book Bible (the strength of this book is the Christocentric perspective throughout Scripture, but diverges somewhat from the text by adding to it)

Susan Hunt, Discovering Jesus in Genesis and Discovering Jesus in Exdous (again takes the Christocentric perspective into Genesis and Exodus)

CATECHISMS, We’ve learned much from books that use catechisms.  And we’ve used the following…

Susan Hunt and Richie Hunt, Big Truths for Little People (once again, Susan Hunt uses short story life lessons but this time using the catechism as her basis)

Starr Meade, Training Hearts, Teaching Minds (catechism for older kids, but my 7 year old understood what I was teaching from this book)

For a while following these books, we simply began to teach straight from the Bible, reading through Philippians and through Exodus.  That was a true blessing, at least for me.  I know we’ll be doing that throughout our family worships.  But we decided to try a resource I receieved at the Pastors Conference, a book called:

For anyone afraid of family worship because you don’t know what to do or say, this is a great book to have.  It’s understandable for every age.  It is Christ-centered.  It is short! (there are times that my kids have said, “Is that is?  Can we do one more?”  It has some good illustrations for the kids.  And it has some good follow-up questions.  I would highly recommend it.

We’re also reading together…

It’s just one super short section a night.  I’m a history buff and I want our kids to know the legacy Christians have left us throughout the centuries.  This is a simple book for that purpose.

So here is our structure for family worship:

1.  We sing hymns together.  My wife plays the piano very well.  And we choose hymns of all types, often learning hymns together.  We’ve sung a vast array of Charles Wesley, Fanny Crosby, Isaac Watts, and many others.  (At Christmas, we always try singing the Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus together.  The kids love that.  Ok, I love that, they sort of roll their eyes).

2.  Then we read the Word aloud together.

3.  Then we sing the Gloria Patri together in response to reading the word.  (I know.  You’re probably thinking, “Gloria Who?”  It’s something I saw at Park Street Church in Boston.  After the reading of the Word, they sing the “Gloria Patri.” (Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Ghost…)

4.  Then we read from Long Story Short.

5.  We then sing either the Doxology (Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow) or the Benediction (The Lord Bless you and keep you with the Amens) or we do both.

6.  We read from the Church History book.

7.  We close in prayer, and we pray for the sick, for missionaries, for current events.

All told, it is probably 30 minutes long.  Sometimes if I have meetings and am not home or if the day has gone very long and it is far past their bedtime, we won’t have family worship.  But it’s been regular these days.  And when I tell the kids that it is family worship time, they literally shout, “Yah!” and squeal with delight.  That is not because we do anything spectacular or fun.  We just enjoy the time together and they sense that.  So for those who perhaps have given up on family worship, may I encourage you to try again.  Mix it up.  Do different things.  But most of all, ask the Lord to give you excitement and joy for the time.  Trust me, if you are excited for the time, your family will be.  But if you are dragging your heels and going through the motions in a monotone voice, you won’t find your kids that interested in family worship.  Ask the Lord to bless you and your family in this way, and I promise you, He will give you the desires of your heart.

I don’t know if this is an urban legend or true since I’ve never been to the Sovereign Grace Pastors College.  But supposedly, if you receive an A for a class, a mentor will ask you, “Did you sacrifice your relationship with your wife and children to get this A?”  And if you receive a C, someone will ask you, “Do you think you stewarded your time wisely?”  In other words, you can be very successful and lose sight of the gospel.  You can also be very unsuccessful and lose sight of the gospel.  This is the tightrope Christians must walk.  We should always have our hearts set on Christ and therefore, we must never hold onto the things of the world so tightly that it consumes us.  But we must also realize that the gospel’s road is a road our Savior walked with (as John Piper often describes) laser beam focus.  He was diligent in all that He did because His mind was set on things above and not on earthly things.

I realize that in our meritocratic world, one’s success and worth is determined by one’s achievements.  But what if there truly is a heaven?  What if our accomplishments really won’t matter, at least not as much as we think they currently do?  I would imagine people would prioritize their lives quite differently.  I was recently sent this article in the Wall Street Journal entitled, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.”  The author is Amy Chua, a professor at Yale Law School.  Perhaps because of her obvious success, she deserves the right to write an article with such a brazen title.  So what was she like to her children to make sure they are successes?  They were never allowed to…

• attend a sleepover

• have a playdate

• be in a school play

• complain about not being in a school play

• watch TV or play computer games

• choose their own extracurricular activities

• get any grade less than an A

• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama

• play any instrument other than the piano or violin

• not play the piano or violin.

All of this to make certain that her children are the most elite in their respective classes and orchestras.  In her conclusion to the article, she writes:

Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

While I do agree that the western model of parenting certainly has its limitations, there is an assumption here that the ‘Chinese model’ of parenting prepares children for the future.  This perspective prepares them for the future, but only for a future for a few decades.  But what then?  What happens at the end of their days when they face their Maker and their Judge?  This story reminds me of the parable that Jesus tells in Luke 12:13-21.  The man builds his barns to excess all for the future.  But God takes his life that night before he can enjoy his wealth.  James reminds such a person: “What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes” (James 4:14).  And so when God says, “Fool!” in verse 20, He’s repeating a general theme of Scripture, that the person who lives as though there is no God will face eternal consequences at the end revealing his foolishness (Ps 14:1).  Also this person is a fool because he doesn’t realize that all of his work is for naught after one dies as verse 19 describes, “…and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?”  This is the same sentiment of the Preacher in Ecclesiastes: “I hated all my toil in which I toil under the sun, seeing that I must leave it to the man who will come after me, 19 and who knows whether he will be wise or a fool? Yet he will be master of all for which I toiled and used my wisdom under the sun. This also is vanity.” (Eccl 2:18-19).

John Piper tells this story to illustrate this point:

Or picture 269 people entering eternity in a plane crash in the Sea of Japan. Before the crash there is a noted politician, a millionaire corporate executive, a playboy and his playmate, a missionary kid on the way back from visiting grandparents.

After the crash they stand before God utterly stripped of Mastercards, checkbooks, credit lines, image clothes, how-to-succeed books, and Hilton reservations. Here are the politician, the executive, the playboy, and the missionary kid, all on level ground with nothing, absolutely nothing in their hands, possessing only what they brought in their hearts. How absurd and tragic the lover of money will seem on that day-like a man who spends his whole life collecting train tickets and in the end is so weighed down by the collection he misses the last train. Don’t spend your precious life trying to get rich, Paul says, “for we brought nothing into the world and we can take nothing out of the world.

As I shared in the first story, there is no room for laziness and irresponsibility as a believer of Christ.  Like Paul in 1 Cor 9:24-27, we should work harder and be more zealous than even the most dedicated and persevering of individuals, all for the sake of Christ.  Should there be Christians who excel in this world in every field?  Absolutely.  But they must be Christians who regularly check their hearts to see if their pursuits have forgotten that this life and its pleasures and successes are only a means to an end.  They also must be open to other believers and their words of encouragement and accountability.  We should be prepared to listen to the question, “What have you sacrificed to receive this grade/promotion/success?”  If you ignore such a question, then you are in danger of being the fool of Luke 12 and the consequences of such foolishness are far worse than a bruised ego or career troubles.  Therefore, we do a grave injustice to our children if we set them up for career success only to find that they have forfeited their souls.

I once received a phone call from a despondent Korean mother who was terribly upset over her son’s spiritual condition.  He had completely rejected God.  She had called me hoping that I could talk to him to at least try to get him to come to the church.  She shared how she had faithfully brought him to church each Sunday.  But when she shared about the rest of his life and her parenting, I began to realize that she considered his studies during his youth a far greater priority than Christ.  She often sacrificed his relationship to the Lord over his educational success.  And now he was a success, a doctor.  And yet, here was this woman, crying over the phone, mourning his distance from God.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her parental priorities had been realized, a son who was successful in the world’s eyes who had no love for the things of God.

Chinese mothers are superior (and I use this phrase in response to the article’s title, since I know many Chinese mothers who do not think this way) in raising scientists, violin virtuosos, law professors, economists, engineers.  But as Jesus said in Luke 9:25: “For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?”

So for my wife Shua, who has been a Sunday widow for the past 10 years, I want to say, “Thank you for your heart for the Lord and your love for the church.”

Janelle Bradshaw has a great post from her own personal experience on this subject and she gives these three helpful thoughts to women in such a circumstance, especially when that thought of, “Why did I even go?” props up:

1. “Going it alone” shows my kids I love the church. It proves Daddy and Mommy really mean it when we tell them: “Sunday is the most important day of the week” and that’s true for all of us, not just Daddy. It shows them what it looks like to be committed to the church even when it is not convenient or easy. Sure, they may not understand that lesson now, but someday, by God’s grace, they will.

2. “Going it alone” shows the church I love the church. Whether we’re aware of it, or not, people are watching us. They notice when we attend and when we don’t. (Actually, sometimes, when my kids are screaming, they can’t help but notice I’m in attendance!) But simply by showing up at a picnic, the Sunday morning meeting, or any other church event, I am showing the people in the church that I care about them and that I want to be with them, even when it isn’t easy. And hopefully I’m encouraging them, (with actions, if not with words) to love the church too.

3. “Going it alone” shows I believe God is at work. God is always at work in the church! He’s always up to stuff—conforming us all to be more like His Son, building us together in unity, using our lives to display the gospel and using our words to preach the gospel. If I truly believe this then I’ll go expecting God to work, even through an overwhelmed mom with two crying, hungry children (and no sunscreen!).

Introduction

This is the last week that I am going to spend on Luke 8:19-21. A few weeks ago, I shared that Jesus’ words in Luke 8:19-21 remind us that though we must have a very high view of the family because it reflects the character and nature of God, our love for our family must never be prioritized over the worship of God. To do so is to engage in idolatry, in worshipping the created things (family) rather than the Creator. One application of engaging in this idolatry is when we worship our parents rather than honoring them. Another application of this text is where single people possibly make marriage the end goal of life and where married people succumb more to their idols than their love of Christ and love of one another in Christ. Both deprive us of the joy that we ultimately desire.

The last application I’d like to make from this text then is regarding parenting. As we have seen regarding honoring parents and the covenantal relationship of marriage, parenting is a gift from God, one that is viewed with utmost esteem and carries with it the weight of biblical responsibility. But again, as with the other two family relationships, even the best of things can be worshipped and idolized, and parenting is no exception. Without serious self-reflection and discernment, we can easily once again worship created things rather than the Creator.

The good news for us all as we wrestle with this balance, of giving a right weight to our biblical family responsibilities while worshipping God alone, is to remain faithful to Him by keeping Him as our greatest priority, and by doing so, the result will not only lead to an ever-increasing delight in worshipping Christ, but in the greatest and sweetest joy we can have for one another as family members.

The Family That Worships the Family Is Idolatry (vv. 19-20)

Let me summarize one more time the main point from Luke 8:19-20. Luke records: “Then his mother and his brothers came to him, but they could not reach him because of the crowd. 20 And he was told, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, desiring to see you.” Remember, we learn much about what Jesus says here from Mark 3. In Mark we saw that Jesus’ mother and brothers thought He had gone berserk. They viewed Jesus only through an earthly lens. In this way, they idolized their family structure (which included Jesus as the obedient son who should perhaps return home to the family business) rather than having their family structure aligned with their worship of God. And so Jesus questions their premise by asking all those around: “Who are my mothers and brothers?” That is, as important as the family is, it is not more foundational than our relationship to God through Christ.

And we are prone to have the same view of the family as well. We are tempted in every way to think like Mary and his brothers. We can have good intentions, a desire to uphold the family which has been given to us by God to enjoy, but even these intentions can become distorted, and our priorities skewed when we no longer worship God, but instead worship our families. Thus, the third relationship where this distortion can take place is in parenting.

Parenting vs. Idolatry

So in what ways do we idolize children rather than parent them biblically?

1. We long for children more than God.

In Genesis 1:28, God told Adam and Eve: “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” And most biblical commentators see this fruitfulness primarily through childbearing. The rest of biblical history continues with babies being born and generations being continued through the birth of children. So it’s pretty clear that God delights in the birth of children and in the raising of children. However, we also know that something terrible happened in Genesis 3, where childbearing would no longer come with such ease.

After Adam and Eve and every human being since had turned away from God’s gracious leading by choosing their own rule over God’s kind care, nothing would happen the way God initially created it to happen. In fact, God tells Eve in Gen 3:16, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children.” I wonder if this pain is not only the physical anguish of bearing children, but even quite possibly the inability to bear children. It seems to correlate to the regular biblical motif of women in the Bible who have difficulty in bearing children (Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth) and the anguish and grief that they deal with because of their circumstances. In fact, Romans 8:21-22 seems to bear this out, where Paul reminds us that “creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.” Things are currently not as it should be and it won’t ever be perfectly whole until the Day of Christ’s return. But until then, there will be groaning and yearning and even sometimes grieving. And so, when a woman is unable to conceive and bear a child, there is a grieving that few understand.

Some of you know this yearning, some of you have faced this yearning, and many of you have family members or friends who are going through such times. Some of you as a married woman know this longing, but perhaps even as a single woman yet to be married, you know this longing. Scripture is very clear that God hears your cries to Him. David wrote in Psalm 56:8: “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” God sees and accounts for every tear shed by His people. Psalm 34:18 tells us: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” God understands pain and agony and grieving because God did not even spare Himself of such agony according to Romans 8:32. And God often calls His people to wait upon Him (Psalm 40:1-2) and to trust Him (Psalm 20:7) because He has suffered in a way no one else has ever suffered.

But it’s often during these times of waiting and trusting, that you will find the temptation to succumb to bouts of anger, depression, fear, self-doubt, jealousy. Dear women, you might experience the hopefulness that seems to come once a month, “Maybe this is the month I get pregnant,” and then the despair after another false test, “At this rate, we’ll never have a baby.” And of course, this leads to another cycle of emotions that lead you to the temptation of despair and discouragement. And then there are the external, uncontrollable factors that come one’s way, from the birth of new babies in the family, the church’s continual emphasis on the family (infant dedication, Gospel Train ministries, VBS, baby showers, new births, multiple births), and the loneliness one can feel since few can truly understand a woman’s troubles in childbearing. Clearly, there are emotions and feelings that few can understand. And yet, the same response I offered to singles applies to those who wrestle with troubles in childbearing.

A few weeks ago, I asked those of you who were single the same question, “Do you long for marriage as the end goal of your life, or do you trust in faith that the God who promises you pleasures evermore (Psalm 16:11) has your best in mind, regardless of whether you marry or remain single until you meet the Lord?” In other words, do you worship the created thing (marriage or the ability to bear children) rather than the Creator as Romans 1:25 warns us against? This is the same question that needs to be asked not just of those who are having trouble bearing children, but also every one of you who have children? Is your desire for a child or are your children the god that you ultimately worship, that is, the source of your ultimate joy? Does having children or do your children provide for you worth, value, esteem? For women who are struggling to conceive or single women who might never even have the opportunity to conceive, you will find that children will not bring you the joy and satisfaction you are ultimately looking for. I said the same to singles, the pursuit of marriage as the end goal will not bring such joy. One need only look at how many couples either are divorced or feel desperately lonely in marriage. Well, the same holds true with parenting. Children will never bring one ultimate joy. If they do (which I would contend Scripture would say such joy will always be short-lived and not ultimate at all), as I’ll address later, there are serious consequences. As the teacher spoke of in Ecclesiastes: “All things (even children) are full of weariness.” (Eccl 1:8)

Jesus’ point in Luke 8:19-21 is that though family relationships are a blessing from God and certainly worthy of respect, honor, and praise, they must never precede our love for Christ and our desire to worship our God. Not only is this idolatrous, it is self defeating. Your parent’s pride in what you do, your marriage to a beautiful wife or handsome husband, and your bearing of children can never fill the void that only God can fill. God is the One, through the work of Christ finished by his death and resurrection, who can satisfy your deepest longings. That’s why David exclaims in Psalm 34:8: “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!”

Kimberly and Philip Monroe have experienced the pain and grieving of infertility. They went through four years of fertility treatments, only to be met at every juncture without any results. I’d like to read to you their thoughts as they came to the conclusion of their treatments.

Kimberly:
One day I thought, God has so many promises for us. But one thing He didn’t promise. Nowhere in Scripture did He promise me a baby. He has not let me down. It’s good to desire a baby. But I cannot demand it of Him. Children are a blessing, but they are not promised to us individually. You do not receive blessings because you’re a good person or because you earn them. They just come. That was a revelation to me. Gradually I stopped feeling defective. I started to believe that “all things work together for the good” (Rom. 8:28). God is good and He wants good for me. But that good does not include biological children. I had to wait and trust Him. (Kimberly Monroe, “To a More Lasting Hope,” in Journal of Biblical Counseling (Winter 2005), 58.)

Philip:
Waiting safeguards our hearts. It helps reorient ourselves. We wait actively, not passively, not fatalistically. We don’t demand, “God, do something.” We don’t sit back and wait until He does what we demanded. Godly waiting meditates on God’s character. His goodness. His holiness. His justice. His mercy. His grace. His majesty. Godly waiting cherishes the comforts He does provide. Godly waiting asks, “Lord, let me see those unexpected blessings that You’ve been giving me all along.” That is waiting. That is worship. Active waiting also requires self-examination. You notice the places where you love things too much, where things have become a lust, like fertility treatments. You spend so much of your life centered on it that it controls your whole life. But you can wait and say, “No. I want to cherish God for who He is, for what He has done for me. I want to examine my heart. I don’t want to be consumed by this fertility quest.” (Philip Monroe, “Moving Through the Pain of Disappointed Desire,” in Journal of Biblical Counseling (Winter 2005), 56.)

Kimberly and Philip finally understood that they had cherished ‘it’ (the desire to have a child) and ‘it’ controlled them. They essentially were finding their worth and value in ‘it’ and ‘it’ had become their god. But once they waited on God and trusted in Him in faith, they finally were able to cherish God for who He was and not what He could give them. They began to worship the Giver rather than the gifts. They began to see that joy came not in created things but in the Creator. My dear sisters and women and men who are or will have trouble conceiving, may the Lord give you bountiful riches of grace in Himself, that He would be your joy, your delight. And in doing so, you would see that God is good to you, whether you have biological children or not. And for those of us who have biological children, please show your love, your understanding, your extra care, and your consideration through careful words and gestures to those who are yet to conceive or who will never conceive.

2. We are more concerned for our children’s earthly prosperity than their love of Christ.

In Ezekiel 14:4 God tells the leaders of the Israelites: “Any one of the house of Israel who takes his idols into his heart and sets the stumbling block of his iniquity before his face, and yet comes to the prophet, I the Lord will answer him as he comes with the multitude of his idols, 5 that I may lay hold of the hearts of the house of Israel, who are all estranged from me through their idols.” The elders of Israel had come to Ezekiel to impart their wisdom on how to worship God and live as His people (v. 3, “Should I indeed let myself be consulted by them?”). But God noticed that in their hearts, though outwardly they appeared spiritual, inwardly they had no love for God but were cluttered with idolatry and they were leading Israel to worship idols. In other words, idolatrous leadership leads to idol-seeking followers. And parents, this is no different for you and me as we raise our children. If our love for comfort, for success, for privilege, for respect, for control is what we cannot lay down before our Father in heaven, then certainly our children will also wrestle with the same thing. In fact, we will inadvertently pass down this idolatry to the next generation. If you have heard of the term ‘generational sin,’ I think ultimately it is an idolatry of the heart that is undealt with through repentance and grace, and thus, from this sinful disposition, we act on the basis of this idolatrous heart, and parent on this basis even under the guise of our faith in Christ. Eventually, the next generation continues the same idolatry of the previous one in cyclical fashion. So how do we do this?

a. We act on the basis of our idolatry through our love of our own legacy.

I can’t help but go back to Jerod Mellinger’s message at the SGM pastor’s conference and his exposition of Psalm 78. This psalm reveals the delight of passing a legacy of God’s renown to our children, but also it reveals the deadliness of forgetting God and striving to live by one’s own legacy and the destruction that brings to future generations. Look at verses 7-8 in that psalm: “So that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; 8 and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation.” The psalmist is addressing the Israelites and their worship of God. Their worship must be a continual remembrance of God’s past grace and this must be frequently communicated to the next generation. But the psalm states that the older generation did not do this. It wasn’t that they didn’t follow God externally. They still probably prayed and assembled for corporate worship. They still lived morally, especially compared to their Canaanite neighbors. But their hearts were far from God and so they lived and sought comfort without considering God as He was, God. He did not factor into their lives and their decisions. He was an abstraction, someone who made no real difference in the way they lived or thought. And this was most revealed in what happened to the next generation. In fact, what happened in verses 9-11 is that they ended up forgetting God just like their fathers: “They did not keep God’s covenant, but refused to walk according to his law. 11 They forgot his works and the wonders that he had shown them.”

The key words here are, “They forgot.” They forgot what God had done for their parents’ generation. Do you know why? Because their parents were busier with life, more concerned with their personal legacy, more concerned with earthly comforts rather than telling their children about God’s glorious salvation of Israel. And so when the next generation became adults, they had no reference point to God. They simply forgot Him. Sadly for many Christians, this forgetting continues today. I received a phone call while I was in Southern California for a wedding from a distraught mother of a person I barely knew. Somehow she had gotten my phone number. Well, she called me essentially crying telling me the story of her son. He was a successful doctor who she had taken to church with her his whole life. But now, he was no longer going to church and had no desire to know Christ. The sadness in her voice was palpable. I have had other parents tell me the same thing about their now adult children, they are very successful but they have no love for Christ and no love for His church. What do you think went wrong? They forgot. Who forgot? Probably the parents first forgot and then of course it would make sense that the kids forgot.

Here’s the problem. People love their own legacy and want it all. They want their children to be successful. They want their kids to have a great career, to make a lot of money, to be comfortable, to have the perfect family, AND to ‘go to church to serve the church.’ And this is where the heart of the problem lies. Church is just another part of the ‘success’ equation: career, money, family, church. Christianity is no longer about the pursuit of Christ and his glory and renown. Instead, it’s another piece of one’s personal, earthly legacy. And this pursuit runs deep within the church. I know pastors who do not want their sons to be pastors or want their daughters to marry pastors because they won’t be successful monetarily. There are church-going parents who are more concerned that their kids study deeply and with vigor for the SATs and their homework from school, than they are concerned about their kids desiring to know and love God’s Word. Some Christians are more anxious over our children’s athletic prowess or academic achievement than they are of whether their children truly know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. The message for these children is clear, as long as a child succeeds in this world, whether that’s through academic achievement, good looks, musical or artistic ability, great SAT scores, college of one’s choice, athletic skills, respects authority, (and these days, it can mean that the child needs to succeed in everything), parents are satisfied and proud.

You see, this is what was in their parents’ heart all along, whether they wanted to admit it or not. Parents want their children to succeed because it satisfies the idol of their hearts, the idol of earthly glory and fame. As Ezekiel told the Israelite leaders, their idolatry would be seen in those they lead. And what these children bear is their parents’ legacy. The parent who says they love God but is more concerned with their children’s financial success, academic success, the family they marry into, is ultimately revealing their hearts, that they are fixated on their personal legacy rather than God’s renown. And without realizing it, we are fostering idolatry in the hearts of our children which Jesus reminds us is tragically self-defeating in Matthew 19:26: “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” How many people strive to leave a legacy in their children, so that he or she will be remembered when they’re gone? As if this reason is enough for people to have joy and meaning in one’s life. But again the teacher in Ecclesiastes reminds us of the futility of living for personal legacy in our children: “I hated all my toil in which I toil under the sun, seeing that I must leave it to the man who will come after me, 19 and who knows whether he will be wise or a fool? Yet he will be master of all for which I toiled and used my wisdom under the sun. This also is vanity.” (Eccl 2:18-19)

Parents, we have an incredibly important work that lies ahead of us. We must live for God’s renown and the way we do this most is to continually tell the next generation about Jesus and how He has saved ME. We need to tell our kids about how great salvation is, MY salvation, and this takes vulnerability and time and intentionality. Listen to verse 4: “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.” This is not something we do on the side, or merely another subject matter like reading and arithmetic. Your loved ones eternal lives are at stake. We must TELL them about Jesus or they will forget Him. James Dobson recounts the story of his grandmother, whom he called ‘Little Mother.’ He writes: “My father told me how when he was a boy, Little mother would gather her six kids around her for Bible reading and prayer. Then she would talk about the importance of knowing and obeying Jesus. Many times she said, ‘If I lose a single one of you to the faith, it would have been better that I were never born.’ That was the priority she gave to the spiritual development of her kids. She and the others effectively passed this commitment to me.” (James Dobson, Bringing Up Boys (Kindle Version), 3854.) In other words, there was nothing hidden about God from her children. They knew that the Lord mattered to her more than anything else in their lives. And that story was passed down to the next believing generation! Do your children know that Jesus Christ matters more to you than anything else? More than their studies? More than your love for your spouse? More than where you live or what you own? More than the best and greatest vacation you could ever take? More than your kids’ success on the ball field or on the court? More than even your kids’ failures in life? Do they know that Jesus and His glory matter so much to you that you would rather not even be born than to see any of your children lose their souls eternally? May we tell of our Lord’s mighty works and wonder to them continuously.

b. We act on the basis of our idolatry when we take the place of God.

But when do we take the place of God over our children? I think Paul has a word of wisdom for us that addresses this question in Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” That is, fathers and even mothers, when your leading of their children is not “of the Lord” but of yourselves, you will see your children continually act out in anger and ultimately in self-centeredness. Parents who are self-centered will raise children who are self-centered and self-centered children are no different than self-centered adults. They’re usually anxious and angry.

Parents, we are not in our children’s lives to mete out punishment, to abuse authority, to subject our children to humility through humiliation, to arbitrarily instruct and discipline them so that we can feel good about ourselves or feel like we have some ‘alone time’ and our comfortable in our lives. And they are not in our lives to be the fulfillment of our dreams of being a baseball player, or to be the cool person in class, or to dress like a movie star so we can show the world just how fashionable mom is, or to be our retirement piggy bank so that when we get older they’ll be paying me back for all that I’ve done for them and more. Paul is telling us that we are not to be their God. And what you and I do as we parent our children today, what we expect of our parents, how we treat and lead and shepherd our children will have a lasting impact as to whether they love idols or love the Lord. I am not saying that we determine our child’s salvation. But I am saying that God definitely uses parent’s faithfulness to Him to lead children to Himself.

For example, if you are screaming and yelling and angry when you discipline your child, if you have lost control over your child when he has sinned against you or another, should it really surprise you that your child also loses control and is angry when you or another (say a sibling) person sins against him? If you have mean words towards another, should it surprise you when your child does the same? If you have no love for God, if your child never sees you in prayer, in reading His Word, should it surprise you that your child finds Scripture and prayer dull and boring? If you are not amazed by God’s salvation, should it surprise you that your child is more delighted by Bob the Builder or Nintendo DS or an iPod than by the cross? If your worship of Christ on Sundays at church is merely ritualism, it shouldn’t surprise you that one day your child will not love Christ and His Church. If you are constantly unsatisfied with your child, always finding what’s wrong with him, always correcting him rather than encouraging him, it should not surprise you that one day he will come to deeply wrestle with his security and identity and he could even be embittered throughout his life towards you and anyone else in authority, including God. If you don’t treat your spouse well but demean him/her regularly, or if you show little concern for your spouse, don’t be surprised to find your child one day do the same to his or her spouse. If you fail to keep your promises to your child, don’t be surprised to find that your child will be dismissive of your words. Again, as God noted to the leaders in Ezekiel, the idolatry of your heart towards self-worship will be passed down to those closest to you, to those you were called to lead.

Christ: The Rejoicing and Renewal of the Family

All of this can seem rather hopeless, unless we see that there is hope after all. If we go back to Luke 8:21, after Jesus asked in Mark, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” He responds in verse 21, “But he answered them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.” Again, Jesus is not minimizing the importance of family relationships. But think about this for a moment. Why do you appreciate your family so much? Why are you attached to them? Well, first, you appreciate all that they have done for you. Second, you were born into this family. Third, when trouble comes you can count on them. Fourth, you have years of lasting memories with them. And all of these reasons make you feel safe, secure, peace, and joy. If you think it through, everything that your family provides for you, God promises that ultimately even your family cannot provide those things perfectly for you, not your parents, not your spouse or a spouse, not your children or potential children. They are certainly windows into these experiences and they certainly are used by God to bless you to taste what joy and security and peace are like. But Jesus makes it clear for us that only by “hearing the word of God and doing it” can you receive the eternal and lasting effects that your earthly family gives you a taste of hear on earth.

The Bible tells us that Scripture is more than just religious intellectualism. Deuteronomy 32:47 says that Scripture is “no empty word for you, but your very life.” Romans 15:4 reminds us: “For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” And when many were leaving Jesus after His teaching on His eventual road to the cross and Jesus asked His disciples if they would leave to, Peter responded, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:68) You see, Jesus is asking us in Luke 8, “Do you trust my words, my promises that I give (now in Scripture) that knowing me, pursuing me, loving me even before your family, is your ultimate road to the joy, the joy that you are looking for in your family relationships? And when you actually pursue me first, I will renew your relationships in your family, reorder them in a new way, in a way that I had always intended them to be when I created them.” Placing your family over Christ is self-defeating and joy is fleeting. But trusting in Him, worshipping God alone, even over your own family’s wills and desires for you, there will be joy. Why has Jesus spoken of such things as in Luke 8:19-21, for your punishment, your deprivation, your discipline? NO! Jesus tells us why in John 15:11: “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” Will you trust Him and take Him at His Words?

Conclusion

May 21st 2008, Will Franklin, age 17, Maria Sue Chapman, age 5

Greg Laurie said, “Maria is a bigger part of your future than she ever was of your past.” SCC: That’s the hope of the Gospel…Hope is all about looking ahead…If all of our hope is wrapped up in today. Our hope is about what is to come…

Part of going on Larry King and doing things as a family, part of the process of this is we have been so prayed for…part of that we felt that God has said, “I am saturating you with prayer so that you’re ready to share this hope that you have in a public way, in a broader way.”

You cannot think this way unless you have a right priority of the family, when you worship God before anyone else, including your own family.

Introduction

May I suggest that quite possibly though there are many who profess Christ and who want to have families in the Lord, there are very few people who understand what the Bible has to say about the role and place of the family. So there are many well-intentioned Christians who want to do the best for the families and love Christ, but who are at a loss when it comes to bringing these two elements, love of family and love of Christ, together.

Also, God created the family as a reflection of His perfect relationship within the Trinity between Father, Son and Spirit, in their love for one another, in their perfect community with one another, and their respect of the lines of authority for one another. Therefore, the family’s ultimate purpose is to magnify God and to honor Him by doing His will in all things, and as we have learned the last few weeks, by living in light of the Word of God exemplified by the good news of the Gospel.

Luke 8:19-21 gives us a picture of these priorities. Jesus is encountered by his own family, and his response to his disciples regarding His own family helps us understand the critical balance that is needed in our families. Families are to worship the God who has providentially led them to be a family. Families are not to worship their family (I’ll explain what I mean by this later). So from this text and from the rest of Scripture, I’d like to make three points about the family and its worship of God: 1) God created the family to reflect His own character and nature, 2) The family that worships the family is idolatrously self-defeating, and 3) Jesus Christ is the only true hope for the family of joy.

The Family Is a Reflection of God’s Character and Nature

In what ways does the family reflect the very nature and character of God?

First, we see that the family structure reflects the very image of God.

According to Genesis 1:26-27, God says: “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” And then Moses comments: “27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Many biblical commentators and theologians take the ‘us’ in verse 26 to refer to the triune God, Father, Son, and Spirit. And so when God created man, he is made in God’s image in every way, in character, in physical nature, and in his relationship with others.

We also see that the family structure of marriage between a man and a woman reflects God’s love for His people.

In fact, verse 27 reveals that something about God’s image in man inherently contains the relationship between a man and a woman. We later see then in chapter 2 of Genesis, when God creates Eve, God is the one who “brought her [Eve] to the man” (Gen 2:22). And on this basis, that God officiated over the union of Adam and Eve, the two shall become one flesh (Gen 2:24). This very text is commented on by Paul in Ephesians 5:31 where Paul makes a correlation between the marriage between a husband and a wife and Christ’s love for the church. This is to say, that the marriage relationship reflects the very character of God through Christ in His love for the church.

We also see the family structure in Genesis 1:28 as a reflection of God’s creative power and authority over all creation:

“And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” When God commanded human beings to be fruitful, He was granting them the privilege of doing what He Himself did, which was to reign over the earth as King and to create others by means of childbearing.

Also, we see the family structure as a reminder to us that God has placed parents in our lives in the same way God’s authority is over all creation.

This is most evident in the fifth commandment and the subsequent texts regarding this commandment. Exodus 20:12 says: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” The Bible takes disobedience and a dishonoring of parents very seriously. Ex 21:15 reads: “Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death.” Ex 21:17 adds: “Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death.” And then Leviticus 19:1-3 tells us that we are to base our honoring of our parents as a direct reflection of our view of God’s holiness: “And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 2 “Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel and say to them, You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy. 3 Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father…I am the Lord your God.”

I say all of this to remind you of how significant the family structure is in view of Scripture. God takes our relationships in marriage, with our children, and with our parents and siblings very seriously because each in some way has been designed to reflect the very nature of God Himself. This is why the family, your family is at the very forefront of training for godliness, of spiritual nurture, and also of spiritual battle. We cannot and must underestimate how much of an impact your view of your family will have on your view and your family members’ views of the Gospel of Christ. Most of what you learn about Jesus, grace, the cross, your identity, your values, discipleship, theology, will happen first in your family, whether you realize it or not.

The Family That Worships Family Is Idolatry

I wanted to lay down this foundation on the nature of the family before I went into this next point about the family and worship of God because I don’t what you to mistake what I’m about to say next as a negative view of the family. However, we must realize that the family that worships the family is idolatrously self-defeating. And I don’t use that word idolatry lightly. The number one destroyer of the family is idolatry. Now, you’re probably wondering, how can the family be idolatrous? Isn’t the family God’s good creation? Absolutely! But sadly, sin has so corrupted human beings that even good things that God has created can be our substitute for God. Paul warns us of this is Romans 1:26: “Because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever!” God created the family structure. But we are oh so prone to worship created things rather than the Creator. And Jesus realized this reality even within His own family.

I’d like us to go back then to Luke 8:19-21. Luke records in verse 19-20: “Then his mother and his brothers came to him, but they could not reach him because of the crowd. 20 And he was told, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, desiring to see you.” This doesn’t give us that much insight into the story. So I’d like you to turn to Mark 3. Mark 3 begins with Jesus’ healing ministry over the man with a withered hand. As news of his ministry and teaching began to spread, more people began to follow Him. He appointed 12 disciples and then he made his way back home. This is where we read the interesting comment from Mark in verse 21: “And when his family heard it, they went out to seize him, for they were saying, “He is out of his mind.” One commentator translates the phrase “He is out of his mind” to mean “He has gone berserk.” (Robert Gundry, Mark, 171) When His family saw what was happening, the large crowds, the reputation growing, the teaching, the ministry, perhaps the many rumors that must have been swirling about Jesus, they assumed he was going insane. Notice verse 22 follows with the scribes who see the same scene and think that He is possessed by Beelzebul, the Lord of the flies, the prince of demons. His family was taking the same position that the religious authorities viewed Him as, a man who had completely lost His mind.

Luke then records Jesus’ response in verse 21: “But he answered them, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.” Matthew 12:48 and Mark 3:33 both record a question before Jesus makes this statement. He asks: “And he answered them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” Now why would Jesus ask this question? Most likely, Jesus knew of his mother’s and brothers’ view of him. He knew that they were more concerned with his earthly responsibilities than His heavenly ones (cf. when Jesus was lost at the Temple). And he also knew that they really didn’t believe in His work as Christ and Savior, hence their reaction to his miracles and teachings. They viewed Jesus only through an earthly lens. In this way, they idolized their family structure (which included Jesus as the obedient son who should perhaps return home to the family business) rather than having their family structure aligned with their worship of God. And so Jesus questions their premise by asking all those around: “Who are my mothers and brothers?” As important as the family is, it is not more foundational than our relationship to God through Christ. Again, I want to remind you that the family was given to us by God. The family is God-ordained and reflects the very nature and character of God. And Jesus certainly loved his mother and brothers as seen at the most painful part of his life, when with the few words he had left to give, he cared for his mother while he was nailed to the cross by saying: “Woman, behold, your son!” 27 Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.” (John 19:26-27) So Jesus is certainly not advocating a dishonoring of one’s parents. Instead, He is reordering priorities to how God meant it to be, God must be worshipped before all else, including one’s parents, one’s spouse, and one’s children. Anything less will be idolatry and sin.

The sad reality is that after sin entered the world, the family has been under attack not just from outside the family (by the culture and its sin), but from within as well. Sin is terribly corrosive. It is self-centered to the core and not even family ties can prevent that sin from playing out in its cruelest and most malicious forms. That is why the first murder happens not between two strangers but between brothers Cain and Abel (Gen 4). We see polygamy (the usurping of God’s intention of marriage between one man and one woman) through Lamech in Genesis 4:23. Abraham neglected his responsibility to protect Sarah, his wife, and readily handed her over to Pharaoh when he felt his life was threatened in Genesis 12:10-20. In Genesis 19:30-38, Lot commits incest with his two daughters and bears two sons. There are many more incidences throughout the Bible and throughout human history. Divorce, while rampant today, is nothing new. Physical and sexual abuse has been all too common throughout history. Of course, we cannot miss the more subtle sins of the family, envy, anger, rivalry, unkindness, oppression, guilt-induced behaviors, etc.

And then, there is the idolatry that also comes with trying to please, love, and even worship parents, children, or spouses. Perhaps there is no greater danger to a family than the worship of one or more members of the family. Tim Keller defines idolatry this way: “Making an idol out of something means giving it the love you should be giving your Creator and Sustainer.” How many of you are giving the love that should be only reserved for the Creator to someone in your family? How many of you are looking to please someone in your family, to win approval for yourself, only to find that you’re left wanting and empty again? May I share with you three family relationships where we are tempted towards idolatry. This week, I’d like to tackle the first relationship and next week the final two with Jesus’ answer to the idolatry of family worship from Luke 8:19-21. The first is our relationships with our parents and here we wrestle with the tension of honor versus idolatry.

There is no doubt that all children, both young and old, should honor their parents. The fifth commandment makes that quite clear. However, Ephesians 6:1 gives this caveat in our honoring of parents: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Obedience and honor must always be in the context of honoring God first. We need to remember that when God created the family structure and its lines of authority, it was modeled after the Triune relationship between Father, Son, and Spirit. Thus, as important as the family is, it is never to usurp what it was intended to model. God is the only one who deserves worship. This is why Jesus says in Matthew 10:34-38: “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.” This isn’t a call to dishonor parents. Rather, it is a reminder that even before honoring parents, the created order of things should be that God deserves worship first and foremost. We honor our parents, but never in place of our worship of God. We must not give the love and worship that is only reserved to God to our parents. So how can we honor our parents without worshipping them?

First, we always treat parents with respect and dignity but we reserve our worship for God alone.

Worship means our hearts ultimately yield to another. And God alone deserves this type of yielding. Sometimes to follow God means going against the will and desires of our parents, but even during such times, we must be mindful of our respect of our parents, even in strong disagreement. I remember when I decided to tell my dad that I was going into ministry, I knew that he would be terribly disappointed and angry with me. But I had committed before telling him, that regardless of his response to me, that I would do all that I could to be respectful, to guard my heart against bitterness and hatred against him. When you truly feel the Lord is leading you and that you must obey Him even before your parents, and you have lived your whole life under the longing and desire to please your parents without never really getting their approval, it can be quite a challenge to honor them. But such trust in the Lord’s commands brings about blessings that you could never dream of. In my case, I have seen my dad come to fully support what I do now, but it took years of dealing with his disappointment and anger towards me in failing to fulfill his dreams for me.

You see, we need to ask ourselves, why do I do what I do? If we believe 1 Corinthians 10:31, that whether we eat or drink, we must do it for the glory of God, then working in your job cannot and must not be to please your parents. You career goals and life’s aspirations cannot ultimately be to honor your parents. That’s not what the fifth commandment is about. What you do, according to 1 Cor 10:31, must first be unto God’s glory. Honoring your parents is to give them the respect that is due their God-created authority over you. Yes, you should take to heart their advice and not readily dismiss it because you want to honor your parents. I think their counsel, especially if you know they love the Lord and want to honor His will and not their own, might be the most significant counsel you might receive. However, they are not God to you. You do not worship their opinion and you must not be held enslaved by their approval. No one in this world deserves that from you. Only God deserves such worship.

I have had many conversations with people in this church and outside of this church who currently still struggle so deeply with wanting to serve and please their parents. Often times, guilt and a longing for approval from their parents enslaves adult children to do anything they can to still gain this approval. This comes in all forms, from an ingrained necessity to provide money, to spending an inordinate amount of time and energy (helping with paying bills, setting up retirements, running all sorts of errands), to yielding to advice on all sorts of areas (career choice, marital choice, parenting methodology, educational methodology (homeschooling, etc.)) regardless of whether the advice honored God or not.

Now I am not saying that there is no place to help parents with money or other needs that they have. In fact, there are definitely instances where to withhold such help could be a dishonoring of one’s parents. But if these decisions are a result of your longing for your parents approval of you, or if they lead you to neglect or disregard an even more primary relationship, such as your biblical responsibility to your spouse or children, or if you fear your parents disapproval, rejection, or even disavowal of you as a son or daughter, or if your love for your parents lessens your desire to worship God in any way, then you are probably making a decision based on an idolatrous worship of your parents rather than an honoring of your parents in the Lord.

So second, we demonstrate our love for our parents as long as it does not contradict the order of our primary biblical responsibilities.

We should show love to our parents. We should communicate with them regularly. We must show kindness to them and the respect that they deserve because they are our parents and because God commands it. But such demonstrations of love should not subsume our primary relationships. In other words, we must remember that first we worship our God, then we are one flesh with our spouse, and then we are responsible over our children while they are young, and then finally we honor our parents in that order. May I give some counsel to those who will be married or are married regarding parents and parents-in-laws. I want to give a word to future husbands and to current husbands. Husbands, your primary relationship, before even your relationship to your mother and father, is to your wife. I had a friend when I was in seminary who believed that when he got married, he would always side with his parents before his wife. Regardless of what I told him, he refused to think. I couldn’t think of a more unbiblical idea in marriage. According to Ephesians 5:25, a husband loves a wife as Christ loves the church. The parent-child relationship, though an obvious, foundational relationship, is not one that can surpass the scope and magnitude of this covenantal love. Marital love reflects God’s very love for His people and therefore all husbands and wives must see their marriage as even more primary than their relationship to their parents and to their children. It’s also remarkable that before there was even a mother or father in the world, God brought husband and wife (Adam and Eve) together to be one flesh. Marriage preexisted parenting. Husbands we must never, ever forget this biblical reality.

Thus, husbands, we must love our wives by making certain that our wives, not our parents, are one flesh with us. If we are lifting our mother and father’s wishes over our wives, we are not honoring our parents, we are worshipping our parents. We must never fear disappointing our parents, but ask ourselves, “Is my fear a result of what God thinks of me or what my parents think of me?” In this fear, men, you are worshipping your mom and dad and not your God. Let your parents know that you will fight for their honor, but it cannot be at the cost of your marriage. By God’s grace, His created order is wise and when you trust in Him and follow His wisdom, you will have a blessed marriage and be able to honor your parents.

Now may I give a word to the future wives and current wives. Some of you are so close to your parents and your siblings. What a blessing this is. When children come, if you should have that blessing, your parents are right there to serve you and to love you. However, there will be a temptation to allow your parents to still rule your worldview, your thoughts, your patterns, your diet, perhaps even your relationship with your husband, something they should have ceded to you and your husband when you married. Thought there is something precious about the closeness of an adult daughter to her parents and siblings, ladies, you must be careful that that closeness is not in place of your primary relationships, your worship to God, your one flesh reality with your husbands, and your God-given responsibility to raise your children in the Lord. If you are more tender, more open with your thoughts and emotions, more compassionate with your parents and siblings than you are with your husband, then there is definitely something amiss. Ladies, you are in danger of doing the very thing your husband will also be tempted to do, which is to displace your primary relationship with a secondary one. By in a sense, ‘loving’ your own family before your love for your husband, you are not only in danger of displacing him in your life, but your Lord as well.

Third, we heed their advice in child-rearing graciously, but remain strong on our convictions to raise a new generation with a biblical view of family structure and worship.

Some of you have unbelieving parents and so often the counsel they give you is more about earthly success than anything else. Sometimes such advice comes from believing parents as well. They want you to be such and such a profession because it makes you more successful, gives you more comfort, and perhaps leads to more fame and fun, believing that only then will you be truly happy. I have a feeling mixed in there, because of the reality of sin, are also selfish motives. What you do for a living, who you marry, what family you marry into, makes them look good. They can tell their friends what you do, who you’ve married, how beautiful your children are, etc. And so the temptation to fulfill this dream on their behalf continues. But if you should worship your parents views and dreams more than your God, you will find the temptation to impress these same values on your own children. You will be concerned with your own glory in the same way your parents were concerned with theirs. You will be more interested in creating a legacy of yourself, a monument to yourself to leave behind, than you will be for God’s glory.

But listen to this beautiful picture of a new generation of worship of God in Psalm 78: “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. 5 He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, 6 that the next generation might know them the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, 7 so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; 8 and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God.” The priority of this text is that the parents’ greatest concern is that next generation will not forget the works of God. It is not what children do vocationally, or how successful they are in anything, and not even whether their children will take care of them in their old age. No, these parents are deeply concerned that the next generation will be faithful to Christ and would not be like his forefathers who were stubborn and rebellious against God.

My dear friends, first and foremost then, how you respond to your parents today, whether you worship them or whether you honor them, whether you respect them or whether you are ruled by their approval of you, will not only impact you, but it will be the pattern upon which you will expect from your own children. When you are enslaved by your parents and their expectations of you, rather than enjoying the freedom that God gives to you to honor your parents but not to worship them, you will also pass down that same enslavement to your own children. If you provide for your parents luxuries, if you give them nice homes, the golf club memberships, expensive cars, grand vacations with money you simply do not have, if you are spending time or energies that you do not have to give, and both are taking away from your primary responsibilities of worshipping God or caring for your wife or husband or children, then you will also expect the same from your children. I would imagine that the Psalm 78 perspective of building a legacy of God’s honor and renown is not your parents’ mindset, nor will it be yours when you are in your parent’s position years later. You will feel that sense of entitlement creeping into your hearts. After all, you put in your just due to your parents, and now its payback time from your children. You’ve sacrificed for your parents, now it’s time for your children to sacrifice for you. And don’t believe you won’t be tempted to have such a heart. The child that is abused always promises that they won’t abuse other children. But sadly, that promise is rarely kept. And in this way, we idolize our parents and worship them, but actually we act also out of the idols of our own hearts. We long for comfort, approval, worth, esteem and rather than accepting our righteousness in Christ, we still yearn for others’ approval.

Parents, you can begin honoring your parents and having a right view of worshipping God and honoring your parents by releasing your kids from expectations that your parents have over you. Begin today to release them from your expectations on anything that does not have in mind your children setting their hope first in God. Release them from the future career they need to have to please you. Release them from marrying the person you believe they deserve to have. Release them from any amount of support they need to give you to upkeep the standard of living you think you need. Release them from your view of an ideal son or daughter. Release him from expectations of skills. Don’t try to live your dreams through your children. Release her from music or art or engineering. Dads, release your sons from athletics or from ‘being athletic.’ I just read that hall of fame quarterback John Elway recently stated that he understood his son, Jack’s decision to quit college football. ESPN reported: “Jack Elway, a redshirt freshman at Arizona State, decided to leave the team last month, during spring practice. He remains enrolled at the school as a student. ‘He sounds better,’ John Elway said, according to the report. ‘Just talking to him, it’s like the world has been lifted off his shoulders. So I’m happy for him.’” Oh the joy of not having to live someone else’s dreams, and the freedom to live as God allows us to live.

Instead, empower them now and for the future, to love God more than anything else, to treasure the Gospel more than anything else, even if it means at the cost of your family. Parents, you can break the cycle of previous generations that have forgotten God’s grace, by treasuring first and foremost that your children will honor you, but worship God. And by doing so, the fruit that will be borne will and the legacy of the Gospel treasured will be seen in generations far beyond your years. May all of our families honor our parents, love this, bless them, pray for them, respect them, treat them with dignity, listen to their advice and wisdom, but may you only leave worship for your God. May you believe by doing so, you will live well and also you will perhaps even lead your parents to trust in Him. Next week, I’m going to tackle Love in Marriage versus Idolatry and Parenting Versus Idolatry from this text.

I don’t usually have much to say regarding parenting.  But I would give these three pieces of advice:

1. Pray for your children regularly.
2. Model Christ and the Gospel for your children.
3. Instruct them in the Gospel regularly.

…in that order.

The words are simple, but profound.  I don’t think I’ve read or heard a better summary of biblical parenting.

Those who struggle with ADD are often discouraged and hopeless. But isn’t it true that God doesn’t view any of us as a hopeless case? No matter what our physical or spiritual struggles are, God’s work is to make us more like Jesus, and nothing, other than our own stubborn hearts, can keep us from becoming what God has called us to be. So, the second way you can encourage someone with ADD is to share God’s perspective on his or her particular struggles. The basic idea is this: all of us have some limitations, but, by God’s grace, we are all able to grow in wisdom and in becoming more like Jesus.

And here are some practical steps that he notes:

• Begin by focusing on what he or she does best. Be their biggest cheerleader!
• Offer instruction in a way that is concrete. Make it vivid, visual, and memorable. For example, instead of “stop being so distracted,” you could say “do four math problems.”
• Provide structure. Structure refers to boundaries, guidelines, reminders, and limits. It is a fence that contains and directs. Some children with ADD have a style of thinking that is chaotic and disorganized. Structure helps them by imposing external controls.
• Have clear, simple, predictable, and written household rules.
• Anticipate and work to head off problems instead of always reacting to them. If a difficult situation cannot be avoided, prepare the child to face it with prayer and practice. After the difficult time is over (homework, chores), give your child feedback so he can see his progress.
• Use “to do” lists and establish reasonable deadlines.
• Have your child do the hard task before the easy one.
• Make exercise a priority.
• Speak the truth in love to your child. Share with him when he is monopolizing a conversation; help him prioritize his day; and give him feedback on his creative ideas.